(Not to be) Fake or Nothing at All

Be careful with your words. Once it sounds cynical, it will make two perspektives; hiding or showing the true you.

As I remember, I tweeted those words because at that time, I was in very bad mood and really need to share and talk with someone. Lucky I live in an era where twitter has been found by Jack and his friends. Lucky I live in an era where I don’t need to be so damn bored all the time for having nothing to do.

One of my friends retweeted and replied that with only four words “showing the true you”. Am I a cynical person? Oh yes I am, for heaven’s sake. People don’t even know what I’ve faced for my more than twenty years for being such a cynical person like this. Have you ever felt like it’s always you to be blamed for many things you’ve never done? Have you ever felt like it’s always you who are betrayed by the person you’ve believed? Have you ever felt the worst feeling you’ve ever imagined in your life? Don’t ask me, you’ll never understand.

As I said, a ‘cynical’ form is just a talent from many whatsoever things. Let’s call it as a shell. When people think that they are too weak to face this cruel world, they unconsciously make a shell as a protection to avoid the bad things that maybe happen. Ironically, they don’t even know it will save their life or make it worse. Too bad? Yes, but it truly happen. When people have faced the bad things in their past, they unconsciously make a shell too. Time will heal the wounds, but there’s always scar left behind. Traumatic feeling and too much fear.

Some people may be good enough in hiding something from someone somehow. But have you ever thought the reason why? Some people are too scared to be known for their weakness. Some people are too scared to be laughed at the things they have known. Some people are too scared to be broken somehow. Some people are sometimes too blind to know there are always somebody care.

It’s not about how good you are in measuring and judging people around you. It’s not about how good you will be for having such a honest thought to be shared to those whom you think about. People are hiding the true them because some reasons you might never think before.. If hiding the true them is always called as fake thing, so what do you think this life should be?

Some people probably hold back their tears and pretending to be okay, just to give themselves such a belief that everything will be (really) okay somehow. Some people are pretending to be fine all the time just to hide their sadness. Some people probably say, “I’m so f*cking happy” when their hearts keep telling such words like “Frankly, I’m so faking happy..” Bittersweet truth.

Overall, (for me) fake can be considered as two things again; the bad and the good one. It will be good as you know its limitation and you know exactly why you are acting that fake, as long as it will never hurt people around you. It will be bad if you use it to show how nice you are to somebody else when you’re not.

For some reasons, I keep talking to myself that this life is not always about me, me, and me. But sometimes I forget to manage the thoughts in my head in the way I live, like how I forget to count my blessings when I’m in despair and doubts. When I asked my friends about the way he chooses his way of living; keep pretending he doesn’t know (about the fake around him) or go acting as fake as them, he said something that finally opened my eyes.

“I’ve spent my last year faking, won't do it for the up comings. At least I know what to say on faking person, like this moment.”

Well, I'm probably the best faking person, ever. But I still thought that he forgot to answer my truly question. Thank you for reminding me anyway.. Actually I haven’t known exactly whether he thought I’m one of that faking people or it's just the words for our conversation before. It’s kinda hurting to know how bad you look like to somebody else. I won’t pretending I don’t care, at least I’m not that fake.

In the end.. this life is still about (not to be) fake or nothing at all, isn’t it?