The J Letter

For David Levithan, The Lover's Dictionary is a story about love, in all its messy complicated reality. For me, it's more than just a story about love, but a diary. Then I will write it in my own version.

I know the alphabets start with A, but let me write the J letter first. The letter just keeps resounding in my head.

jade : "I found you!" You said.

jail : Your theory; A girl is like a bird that needs a golden cage. My theory; A girl is like a bird that needs to fly and an arm to stay. Have you watched the pirates movies I've ever told you lately? Look at the parrots.

January : I blamed myself for not bringing you a birthday cake. You said, "It's okay. It doesn't matter anyway."  I know it's not okay, not that okay. I cried, I failed. Did I?

jealousy : Things like these. When you still phone your workmates more than once in our date. When you accidentally mention the girl from your past. When you forget to call me, just because you're too busy with your witty theory.

jilt : I can do this to you, but I just don't want to. You can do that to me too, but I know you won't do.

jitters : I remember your I-hate-so-much-habit of smoking too much cigarettes in front of me, which once you excused as your way to redeem your nerve talking things with me. I held your left cold hand while you’re driving us home, or the truth is.. you let me hold yours to convince yourself that you weren't dreaming. Oh dear, if this relationship is just a dream, will you want somebody to wake you up maybe?

jocosity : I talked about my funny thoughts, I laughed a lot. I knew you didn't understand but then you laughed a lot too, watching me.

joke : Do you like it? No. Do you like it? No. Do you like it? No. So what do you like? You!

jolly :  It's funny how we used to talk about random stuffs then laughed, too loud. 

journal : It takes 725 days to know why God planned us to meet again that time. That October night. On heavy rain, with coffee and memory. And I still don't know how many days will it take to know where God will lead us then.

journey : In every corner of the new place I've just found, every sunset I adore. It's you whom I wish I could share the view with.

joy : When you hugged me tight, smiling. I could hear your heart's beating. I could hear your voice, whispering. I could always recall the feeling. 

jubilee : If we aren't brave enough to dream it, will we make it? Life dares us to choose, to decide, to elaborate the mystery by ourselves. Close your eyes, hold my hands, imagine..

June : I still love you. Do you still love me too? 

July :  I'm counting. I'm counting. I'm counting. For now and then, until the day I meet you, again and again and again. Would you help me to count it too?